The reason god is male is pretty easy to prove
Think about he went and made the universe planets, galaxies and all that stuff.
So after all that he’s pretty made up, but hang on it’s a lonely old business being god and being on your own, so he has a crack at making his own mini me, early attempts were not so good
Evolved really quick, were cocky and told god to do one.
The basic shape was all wrong with big heads weird eyes, this is where aliens come from god’s early attempts at building man.
So god has a little think, notices earth away in the distance and decides to have one last go.
This time he makes blueprints and works things out, so he looks at Adam in his garden of Eden and says to himself way to go.
This is where I can prove god is a male only a male would do a close to perfect job, and decide to tinker and have one last go.
So now he comes up with Eve(woman) from a spare rib and a few odds and sods in the god toolbox.
One design flaw was giving woman the power of speech (think nagging here)
It now all goes tits up, Eve now persuades Adam to eat the apple from the forbidden tree.
Up till that point Adam followed the rules, then Eve came along “oh go on Adam god’s being silly ,it’s a silly rule what can go wrong?”
We all know the rest, but notice the blame being laid on the serpent early case of penis envy?
Also a typical woman’s ploy it was someone else’s fault
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Parents From Hell And Their Kids
Have you ever seen a kid generally creating mayhem,rudely interupt and jump into conversations,talk over adults etc, or trash everything in sight.
Yes sweet things kids aren't they.
If you challenge the parents of such a child the usual reply is that little Johny is expressing himself.
Like shit the truth is that the parents are bleeding heart liberals who don't have the courtesy to teach little Johny how to behave in public,or are too lazy to introduce said child to the concept of manners.
Another favourite excuse is the child has attention deficit disorder or something else.
TRUTH the parents are inadequate assholes,who shouldn't be allowed to keep a dog.
Fast forward a few years /little Johny has now turned into a teenager who now hates the world,having never been taught that others have feelings and needs he decides to take a gun to school and blow away some teachers and fellow pupils.
NOW little Johny is truly EXPRESSING himself.
Yes sweet things kids aren't they.
If you challenge the parents of such a child the usual reply is that little Johny is expressing himself.
Like shit the truth is that the parents are bleeding heart liberals who don't have the courtesy to teach little Johny how to behave in public,or are too lazy to introduce said child to the concept of manners.
Another favourite excuse is the child has attention deficit disorder or something else.
TRUTH the parents are inadequate assholes,who shouldn't be allowed to keep a dog.
Fast forward a few years /little Johny has now turned into a teenager who now hates the world,having never been taught that others have feelings and needs he decides to take a gun to school and blow away some teachers and fellow pupils.
NOW little Johny is truly EXPRESSING himself.
People To Avoid
I'll cover some types of people that you should definately avoid
Wellness Consultants Usually selling over priced lotions and potions designed to cleanse and purify your body.
So far you have enjoyed drinking smoking and eating doughnuts and cakes ,the result you are a fat overweight git and you feel like shit in the morning.
Remedy swallow this drink with 200 active ingredients none of which you have heard of,
you now spend half the day in the toilet.
Advice from the CONsultant(note the first three letters in consultant) your body is being purified /shedding the toxins from your abuse and this is normal.
Whats normal in crapping all day,and breaking wind so violently that the odour would clear a city?
Lifestyle Coaches
Crazed individuals we used to have friends ,who we could talk about our problems to.
Not anymore,you can now pay some nutter to tell what you already know/want to hear.
that it's the fault of your dysfunctional family background,or some other excuses that lets you of the hook for being a lazy overweight crazy fucked up loser.
Key phrases they use it's not your fault (right).
If you meet one best to have stun gun or nightstick handy.
Ifa's
Independent Finacial Advisor
This person used to be employed by an insurance company,however due to the company being sued for misselling mortgages and the like, they had to downsize their entire staff.
Like to sell you pensions and insurance you don't need or want so they can get your first years payments as commission.
Smoking Cessation Officers
Smoking is fun, keeps you trim and is trendy, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise THEY ARE WRONG.
If you really want to stop you can get free help form the NHS.
A thinly disguised way for local goverment to employ a new staff member and thereby increase your council tax.
The new ban on smoking in pubs will only succeed in getting you to put one poison at a time in your body,however you will get hypothermia from going outside for a quick drag.
Also puts the good people who stock cigarette machines out of work.
Personally I have never heard of anyone losing control of their car after smoking too much ,getting in a fight with strangers or beating up their wife when they get home.
Need I say anymore.
An excuse for more goverment interference in our lives and fro do gooders to meddle.
Wellness Consultants Usually selling over priced lotions and potions designed to cleanse and purify your body.
So far you have enjoyed drinking smoking and eating doughnuts and cakes ,the result you are a fat overweight git and you feel like shit in the morning.
Remedy swallow this drink with 200 active ingredients none of which you have heard of,
you now spend half the day in the toilet.
Advice from the CONsultant(note the first three letters in consultant) your body is being purified /shedding the toxins from your abuse and this is normal.
Whats normal in crapping all day,and breaking wind so violently that the odour would clear a city?
Lifestyle Coaches
Crazed individuals we used to have friends ,who we could talk about our problems to.
Not anymore,you can now pay some nutter to tell what you already know/want to hear.
that it's the fault of your dysfunctional family background,or some other excuses that lets you of the hook for being a lazy overweight crazy fucked up loser.
Key phrases they use it's not your fault (right).
If you meet one best to have stun gun or nightstick handy.
Ifa's
Independent Finacial Advisor
This person used to be employed by an insurance company,however due to the company being sued for misselling mortgages and the like, they had to downsize their entire staff.
Like to sell you pensions and insurance you don't need or want so they can get your first years payments as commission.
Smoking Cessation Officers
Smoking is fun, keeps you trim and is trendy, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise THEY ARE WRONG.
If you really want to stop you can get free help form the NHS.
A thinly disguised way for local goverment to employ a new staff member and thereby increase your council tax.
The new ban on smoking in pubs will only succeed in getting you to put one poison at a time in your body,however you will get hypothermia from going outside for a quick drag.
Also puts the good people who stock cigarette machines out of work.
Personally I have never heard of anyone losing control of their car after smoking too much ,getting in a fight with strangers or beating up their wife when they get home.
Need I say anymore.
An excuse for more goverment interference in our lives and fro do gooders to meddle.
Intro
Hi
Welcome to the first post in bullshit decoded
A light hearted look at the use of bullshit in todays world,with an explanation in normal english.
If you are easily offended go away.
There are no concessions to political correctness,if I offend you or your group don't waste your time trying to sue me ,I have no worthwhile assets and currently need about £70,000 to qualify as broke.
Management Speak
Downsizing sack a load of people to drive up the share price
Optimising same idea as downsizing
Consultant a talentless bastard,totally full of shit, brought in by management to tell them what they already know and bill them for it
Manager Usually brainless,talentless and promoted to a spot with a nice office where they can no harm to the business.
Talks a foriegn language an amalgam of english and bullshit,involving words like empowerment, low hanging fruit, paradigm shift,anything else that sounds good but is meaningless is used often in conversation.
Junior Manager Very low form of life usually has just learned to balance on their hind legs and walk upright
Mission Statement A wordy document impossible to uunderstand embodying the companies business values,also mainly meaningless couched in inane terms .
Best to forget you ever read this crap.
Receptionist Supposed to be the gatekeeper ,and stop sales reps and other unwashed members of staff interupting management in the middle of writing reports to the board,or memo's telling staff to do what they are doing anyway.
Many are incredibly fat being fixated on food,soap operas and any other mundane activity.
The evolved member of the species is called a P.A. (BOSSES BUTTMONKEY)
Shop Floor Worker the poor sap who gets things done
Company Rep Sales Exec etc A fancy title for salesman,tries to con others into buying useless products or services,usually totaly uselless at time management,has a disorder where when this creature asks for 5 minutes of your time ,are still there at breakfast next day.
Welcome to the first post in bullshit decoded
A light hearted look at the use of bullshit in todays world,with an explanation in normal english.
If you are easily offended go away.
There are no concessions to political correctness,if I offend you or your group don't waste your time trying to sue me ,I have no worthwhile assets and currently need about £70,000 to qualify as broke.
Management Speak
Downsizing sack a load of people to drive up the share price
Optimising same idea as downsizing
Consultant a talentless bastard,totally full of shit, brought in by management to tell them what they already know and bill them for it
Manager Usually brainless,talentless and promoted to a spot with a nice office where they can no harm to the business.
Talks a foriegn language an amalgam of english and bullshit,involving words like empowerment, low hanging fruit, paradigm shift,anything else that sounds good but is meaningless is used often in conversation.
Junior Manager Very low form of life usually has just learned to balance on their hind legs and walk upright
Mission Statement A wordy document impossible to uunderstand embodying the companies business values,also mainly meaningless couched in inane terms .
Best to forget you ever read this crap.
Receptionist Supposed to be the gatekeeper ,and stop sales reps and other unwashed members of staff interupting management in the middle of writing reports to the board,or memo's telling staff to do what they are doing anyway.
Many are incredibly fat being fixated on food,soap operas and any other mundane activity.
The evolved member of the species is called a P.A. (BOSSES BUTTMONKEY)
Shop Floor Worker the poor sap who gets things done
Company Rep Sales Exec etc A fancy title for salesman,tries to con others into buying useless products or services,usually totaly uselless at time management,has a disorder where when this creature asks for 5 minutes of your time ,are still there at breakfast next day.
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