Accountants and Hotels A Baad Mix

Accountants and Hotels A Bad Mix.

Here’s how a dictionary defines accountant
One that keeps, audits, and inspects the financial records of individuals or business concerns and prepares financial and tax reports.
I however have a different definition.
Dull unimaginative as**le, one who’s sole purpose in life is to count things.
Generally grey in dress and thought.
With a nod to Oscar Wilde ,one who knows the cost of everything, but the value of nothing.

Yes I hate these guys who have in the main tries to ruin what was once a fun industry to work in.
Trying to mix accountants with hotels is bad in that hotel staff are generally creative, well some of us anyway, and accountants well aren’t.
These people who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing have come up with a great scheme to feed people on buttons (£2.50) a head ,while at the same time throwing in all the drink you can drink ,for £25 a night.
Great you may think, not so.
Consider that at this cost hotels are now open to some with no social skills sober, add in the free drink and I shudder to think at the outcome.
What quality of food and service will be available at this kind of rate?
If guests are getting everything they need included what does this leave for the economy of the town that the hotel is based in?
Some papers ,maybe some headache tablets or hangover cures, surely there should be something for other local businesses as no company exists in a vacuum.
Given that the Uk government is trying to promote responsible drinking, how does this idea square with that .
Are we really trying to cater to lager louts and pissheads, as a market segment?
What kind of money is going to be left to pay staff, mainly minimum wage poorly paid harassed and unmotivated, or migrant workers from eastern European states, a good advert for Uk tourism come to Britain and be served by someone who can’t speak English that well, I can’t either but that’s mainly grammar.
The catering industry was starting to make some progress thanks to the efforts of guys like Gordon Ramsay, Gary Rhodes ,Rick Stein and others but it looks like the budget end is going backwards

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Save With Tom: Beat Tesco's Free Calls On Broadband Deal

Save With Tom: Beat Tesco's Free Calls On Broadband Deal

Women Mans Only Natural Predator

There are several types of women you will encounter as you go through life as a man.
Firstly and naturally there’s your mother.
This is the woman who gave you life, and nurtured you, so you admire her, WRONG!
Secretly the bitch is grooming you for other women to manipulate you all your life.
So that your girlfriends and eventually your wife will rule you entirely.
You think that this feeding mending your clothes and organising your life is kindness.
Wrong again, this is the way that the sisterhood programmes you as a man to let a woman run your life if she gives you these stimuli.
Next you are passed over to teachers, again mainly women who perpetuate the myth that women are caregivers and warm and cuddly.
So you pass into high school and notice these sweet smelling creatures ,who are not related to you ,and being full of hormones and being ruled by little head ,you find your very first girlfriend.
You think that you chose her, well think again it was the women who singled you out as a possible meal ticket.
So off you go to college, and you may have the same or a new girlfriend, if you dumped the previous model you have been fooled into thinking it was your choice, not so.
It was of course the young women who was through with you, having decided ,that you were not suitable husband material.
Could be she had not as yet developed the skills needed to mould you as she desired.
It could also be that like a magnificent stallion you had not been broken(tamed) yet.
So as a mere male you then enter the workforce ,now you are in serious trouble, this is when you in your prime earning years ,are the equivalent of big game ,to the female of the species.
Every women knows that men are simple creatures ,needing only to be well fed, reasonably well dressed and allowed some spending money.
Notice how when things get serious with your girl, she decides which of your friends you can keep, notice how she picks your wardrobe, and how she make friends with your mother all part of the plan to emasculate you and keep you down trodden.
So let this be a warning to all young men out there.
Stay wild and free as long as you can.
WOMEN are dangerous.

On a sperate note if you need traffic for your blog try Linkiewinkie

Dog Or Woman Which One Is Mans Friend?

A dog may well be mans best friend.
No dog has ever complained when you roll home from the pub rat arsed, well not unless you are really well gone and hallucinating.
A dog is always ,always happy to see you, and doesn’t judge you in any way.
I have never had to feed a dog drink to get it to like me yet, nor does it complain when ,you crack one of or complain about you getting drunk with your friends.
On pay day no dog will demand you hand over your wages.
No dog complains if you look at other women, nor can a dog read your mind as some women can
A dog doesn't demand a new washing machine ,dishwasher or spend a fortune on cosmetics.
There are of course one or two areas where a wife or girlfriend tops a dog.
Women can cook, it’s as yet illegal to have sex with a dog, apart from some hillbillies nobody really wants to.
No dog will call in sick and lie for you ,women also come in handy for ironing as well.
Women in the main do not demand to be taken out for a walk in the pissing rain, or shake their wet coats all over the house, there may be some exceptions to this of course.
You can’t take your dog to company parties ,but then again no dog runs of on you, they are faithful unlike some women.

Tony's Latest Wheeze To Squeeze The Proles

So Tony B liar has asked Wendy Alexander’s( the one with the trout pout, and a turbo mouth)brother to investigate road pricing.
Given that UK motorists pay £42 billion a year in taxes of which £6 billion is spent on maintenance and new road building, where the hell does the rest go?
The evil mastermind behind this must be Gordon the dip Brown, a barely reformed communist who quite clearly wants to tax us all rich ,poor and middling alike to death.
Looking at things closely it’s clear that labour hate motorists, David Begg ,has done his best to rid Edinburgh of motor vehicles.
Maybe commissar Blair and co want to return to the halcyon days when only the rich could afford to drive a car.
Maybe they don’t like the proles cluttering the road for old two jags Prescott, he obviously needs two jags to keep pace with his mistresses.
To whom does one apply in the US for a bit of friendly regime change when it’s needed?
E mail address and phone number please.
Think of the advantages for our colonial cousins, our chavs ,could give them plenty of guests for Jerry and Oprah ,and a bit of cannon fodder for the next invasion of an oil rich country, no need to teach them English, we speak nearly the same language anyway.
For us it would mean cheap oil and less taxes, although we couldn’t take any wet backs as we are now nearly full up with illegals anyway.

The BNP Do Well At Elections So What

So the British National Party did quite well in this weeks local government elections in England.
They got 12 councillors elected against an expected 6.
Most of them were in London boroughs to be fair.
What can we learn from this ?

A few things actually, this is normally a time when the electorate register protest votes.
Do some English people feel marginalised in their own country?
Do they feel unwanted and unloved in their own country?
Do they resent the recent influx of what some perceive as economic migrants as opposed to genuine asylum seekers?
If any of this is true then Mr Blair and co should take serious notice, that the populace has had enough.
What strikes me as odd though is that we in the Uk are basically a mongrel mix of angles Saxons, jutes and Vikings. And many more
It seems to be at odds with the history of our country, which is one of trading throughout the whole world!
Maybe the little Englander is on the rise, I recently noticed car sticker on a jag saying keep Britain out of Europe save the pound or something similar, strange given that Jaguar is now owned by Gm of America, that the brakes were probably made in Germany along with the electronics and most of the components would have been sourced Europe wide or even world wide, consistency I think not.
Then again most of these clowns long for Britain that never was,warm beer cricket on the village green etc.

Where Did My Life Go!!!!!

Who stole my life.
American beauty was being repeated on BBC1 tonight and it got me thinking where the hell has my life gone?
Back in high school I used to feel that I would hate to wake up in my forties, the same as everybody else, with a little life running on the old hamster wheel doing the same shit day in day out.
Well guess what here I am at 41 doing a job I don’t much care for working two actually, doing what everyone else does.
Maybe it’s true and we do all live lives of quiet desperation.
Every day ,every week is much the same, do the work pay the bills.
Do what your wife, boss society expects of you, conform, maybe it’s part of the deal of being an adult.
So why do adults forego fun?
Can anybody remember what it’s like to enjoy themselves anymore?

The Peter Pan Crew

What is it with today’s children specifically the young men?
They never seem to want to leave home.
Apparently the commonly held view is that their parents and possibly step parents are there to be soaked!!

Most of them go off to university or college for years meaning that they enter the adult world? around 26 years of age.
As a result we now have some of the best educated bar men and service staff in the world.
They then proceed to stay at home ,long after they should have flown the nest.
Naturally the parents are dismayed having done their bit by raising the little buggers in the first place.
All sorts of excuses spew from the little darlings mouth, mummy they cry I ‘m broke after paying back my student loan credit card bills, getting wasted on a week end.
Not forgetting acquiring every techno gadget known to mankind
Travelling to far flung corners of the world etc.
The price of housing is extortionate and on and on and on.
Well it seems to me that every generation has it’s challenges to overcome some lived through the great depression, others had to go out and stop Mr Hitler on his European tour of 39 to 45,and so forth.
Just tell the truth you are loath to grow up and don’t as yet realise that the cord has been cut.
The bit the peter pan generation forget is that the parents will now live long enough to be an embarrassment to them, thus getting their own back!

Vegaetarians and Cyclists Scum of the world

Vegetarians are surely one of the lowest forms of life around, given that god or mother nature, depending upon your beliefs, designed the human to be an omnivore.
I agree that we eat far too much meat in today’s diet, but it seems to me that this seems to be an attention seeking ploy at best.
Most of then are wearing leather shoes for god’s sake, so it’s ok to wear the animals skin, just not to eat any of it.
The worst kind of vegetarian is the lacto ,these arseholes insist on tofu and Soya milk, yes I keep theses hanging around the kitchen for the 1 in 200 000 customers that just happen to be a sandal wearing windy bastard with a wispy beard like you, you sad f***er.
The lacto is extremely pious and self righteous.
Some veggies apparently like chicken now and again ,aye right.

Another group of self righteous gits are cyclists, look at us we don’t pollute the planet we are sooooo good aren’t we?
Yes that’s right ,why unlike other road users are they not insured or paying a form of road tax?
They should be bloody heavily taxed for wearing tight shorts so the rest of us can see their gonads and butts.

The Smoking Ban A Month On

We are now a little over a month into the smoking ban in Scotland, most people seem to be peacefully accepting the ban.
I would like to thank Mr McConnell of the Scottish Reichstag for this wonderful piece of legislation.
As he can make no meaningful laws ,he chooses to ban smoking in public, we drive on highways that would be unacceptable in the outlying areas of Kurdistan but the wonderful Jack bans smoking.
Well done Jack, he only chose to do so as he can pass no real meaningful laws in his wee pretend parliament, the real power rests with the grown up palace of Westminster .
Smokers are one of the few groups that it is ok to victimise, being the modern day lepers of society.
We all know that it is now ok to get drunk,(basically poison yourself),start a fist fight with a stranger ,beat your wife up after getting pissed but don’t smoke in the doing so.
Second hand smoke is a vile and evil poison, how about the noise pollution from drunks staggering their way home from the pub, vomiting in the public flower beds as well, urinating in the street’s and other anti social behaviour that’s ok long as nobody smokes while doing it.
If wee Jack wants to do something worthwhile in between stopping his colleagues dipping the till ,making an arse of running the national health service, allowing economic migrants to take over the country, and making it harder for the average man in the street to survive then there are plenty of better things he could be doing.
Such as ?
Give us decent roads to drive on, give us hospitals where you don’t come out more ill than when you went in.
Stop pissing around in a pinstripe kilt at tartan week and embarrassing every last bloody one of us.
And finally resign !!

Tony Blair Where's My Country???

Tony B Liar is an anagram of Tony Blair, I wonder what he and his cronies have done to our country since the early heady days of the election of new labour(same old crap).
Britain used to be a country where the values of being self supportive, reasonably honest and hard working were rewarded in the main, not any longer.
Look at recent events, Giovanni Prescott going at it like a rabbit with any willing female, the home secretary releasing criminals into every day society instead of deporting them.
Remember also Mandy the fixer now a eurocrat ,after a couple of major blunders, and the former home secretary one of the few talented people in Blair’s cabinet going nuts over his married lover.
The bunch in Scotland are little better being revealed as greedy little money grabbers, think of Henry McLeish and the scandals relating to his office expenses.
Also think of the varying opinions on the legality of the war in Iraq, a little odd given that the majority of our Mps are in fact lawyers.
Britain was once great and ruled half the civilised world, today it’s a basket case where the lazy and the feckless are the ones who are rewarded .
Specifically I am thinking about the layabout father of 14,(and his ilk) who is kicking of and demanding a mansion suitable to house his brood from his local council.
We live in a country where despite producing oil of our own shores we pay more than most for a litre of fuel, most of it being made up of tax .
I still remember one of the increases on road tax being justified as being to pay for improvements to the n h s, excuse me since when did road tax go towards paying for hospitals?
Never mind that most of the road fund licence is actually spent elsewhere and we drive on roads that would be frowned upon in Albania.
Motorists are viewed as an easy target for the government to soak ,as we have no voice per se.
Today in the Uk to be white working class is to be in a group who are despised and neglected by our own government and the other political parties, especially if you try to be self reliant and responsible .
It seems politicians are only willing to listen to vocal minority groups thereby imposing the will of the minority upon the majority surely this is undemocratic to say least .

Tartan Week Highland Cooshit

Tartan Week
What a total load of bullshit.
Consider this, where o where did the local weaver, get the vibrant colours available in today’s kilts?
Most likely the colours used would have been a greeny brown ,purple, blue maybe yellow or a soft off white from leaving the wool it’s natural colour.
As for producing tartan with it’s check type design, I don’t think so, how many ordinary highlanders could afford to buy a fabric that would be expensive, due to the time involved in production?
As for the ridiculous tam o’ shanters and the like, fuck off with that Walter Scott inspired pish!
Yes folks Walter Scott the writer had a few too many whiskies ,when cooking up a highland pageant, for the King George, to welcome him to Scotland, George buy the way was wearing flesh coloured tights under his kilt.(what a macho man).
Tartan in it’s original form was just whatever was made by the local weaver, most Scots were too busy eking a living from the land to bother with tossing cabers, sword dancing and doing the highland fling, unless a tick had landed, on their 3 piece suite.
So wee Aleck Salmond looking like a king sized div in his kilt and Stetson ensemble were really just enjoying a fantastic junket at the Scottish taxpayers expense, plus they get too look like plonkers.
This will come as a surprise to our dear American cousins, coming back to the old country ,thinking we all have a still out the back chase haggis and dance our hearts out over swords ,before collapsing in a heap in our kilts.

Why God Has To Be A Man

The reason god is male is pretty easy to prove
Think about he went and made the universe planets, galaxies and all that stuff.
So after all that he’s pretty made up, but hang on it’s a lonely old business being god and being on your own, so he has a crack at making his own mini me, early attempts were not so good
Evolved really quick, were cocky and told god to do one.
The basic shape was all wrong with big heads weird eyes, this is where aliens come from god’s early attempts at building man.
So god has a little think, notices earth away in the distance and decides to have one last go.
This time he makes blueprints and works things out, so he looks at Adam in his garden of Eden and says to himself way to go.
This is where I can prove god is a male only a male would do a close to perfect job, and decide to tinker and have one last go.

So now he comes up with Eve(woman) from a spare rib and a few odds and sods in the god toolbox.
One design flaw was giving woman the power of speech (think nagging here)
It now all goes tits up, Eve now persuades Adam to eat the apple from the forbidden tree.
Up till that point Adam followed the rules, then Eve came along “oh go on Adam god’s being silly ,it’s a silly rule what can go wrong?”
We all know the rest, but notice the blame being laid on the serpent early case of penis envy?
Also a typical woman’s ploy it was someone else’s fault

Parents From Hell And Their Kids

Have you ever seen a kid generally creating mayhem,rudely interupt and jump into conversations,talk over adults etc, or trash everything in sight.
Yes sweet things kids aren't they.

If you challenge the parents of such a child the usual reply is that little Johny is expressing himself.
Like shit the truth is that the parents are bleeding heart liberals who don't have the courtesy to teach little Johny how to behave in public,or are too lazy to introduce said child to the concept of manners.
Another favourite excuse is the child has attention deficit disorder or something else.
TRUTH the parents are inadequate assholes,who shouldn't be allowed to keep a dog.

Fast forward a few years /little Johny has now turned into a teenager who now hates the world,having never been taught that others have feelings and needs he decides to take a gun to school and blow away some teachers and fellow pupils.


NOW little Johny is truly EXPRESSING himself.

People To Avoid

I'll cover some types of people that you should definately avoid

Wellness Consultants Usually selling over priced lotions and potions designed to cleanse and purify your body.

So far you have enjoyed drinking smoking and eating doughnuts and cakes ,the result you are a fat overweight git and you feel like shit in the morning.
Remedy swallow this drink with 200 active ingredients none of which you have heard of,
you now spend half the day in the toilet.
Advice from the CONsultant(note the first three letters in consultant) your body is being purified /shedding the toxins from your abuse and this is normal.
Whats normal in crapping all day,and breaking wind so violently that the odour would clear a city?


Lifestyle Coaches

Crazed individuals we used to have friends ,who we could talk about our problems to.
Not anymore,you can now pay some nutter to tell what you already know/want to hear.
that it's the fault of your dysfunctional family background,or some other excuses that lets you of the hook for being a lazy overweight crazy fucked up loser.
Key phrases they use it's not your fault (right).
If you meet one best to have stun gun or nightstick handy.



Ifa's

Independent Finacial Advisor
This person used to be employed by an insurance company,however due to the company being sued for misselling mortgages and the like, they had to downsize their entire staff.
Like to sell you pensions and insurance you don't need or want so they can get your first years payments as commission.

Smoking Cessation Officers

Smoking is fun, keeps you trim and is trendy, ignore anyone who tells you otherwise THEY ARE WRONG.
If you really want to stop you can get free help form the NHS.
A thinly disguised way for local goverment to employ a new staff member and thereby increase your council tax.
The new ban on smoking in pubs will only succeed in getting you to put one poison at a time in your body,however you will get hypothermia from going outside for a quick drag.
Also puts the good people who stock cigarette machines out of work.
Personally I have never heard of anyone losing control of their car after smoking too much ,getting in a fight with strangers or beating up their wife when they get home.
Need I say anymore.



An excuse for more goverment interference in our lives and fro do gooders to meddle.

Intro

Hi
Welcome to the first post in bullshit decoded
A light hearted look at the use of bullshit in todays world,with an explanation in normal english.
If you are easily offended go away.
There are no concessions to political correctness,if I offend you or your group don't waste your time trying to sue me ,I have no worthwhile assets and currently need about £70,000 to qualify as broke.


Management Speak

Downsizing sack a load of people to drive up the share price

Optimising same idea as downsizing


Consultant a talentless bastard,totally full of shit, brought in by management to tell them what they already know and bill them for it

Manager Usually brainless,talentless and promoted to a spot with a nice office where they can no harm to the business.
Talks a foriegn language an amalgam of english and bullshit,involving words like empowerment, low hanging fruit, paradigm shift,anything else that sounds good but is meaningless is used often in conversation.



Junior Manager Very low form of life usually has just learned to balance on their hind legs and walk upright


Mission Statement A wordy document impossible to uunderstand embodying the companies business values,also mainly meaningless couched in inane terms .
Best to forget you ever read this crap.

Receptionist Supposed to be the gatekeeper ,and stop sales reps and other unwashed members of staff interupting management in the middle of writing reports to the board,or memo's telling staff to do what they are doing anyway.
Many are incredibly fat being fixated on food,soap operas and any other mundane activity.
The evolved member of the species is called a P.A. (BOSSES BUTTMONKEY)

Shop Floor Worker the poor sap who gets things done

Company Rep Sales Exec etc A fancy title for salesman,tries to con others into buying useless products or services,usually totaly uselless at time management,has a disorder where when this creature asks for 5 minutes of your time ,are still there at breakfast next day.