Intro

Hi
Welcome to the first post in bullshit decoded
A light hearted look at the use of bullshit in todays world,with an explanation in normal english.
If you are easily offended go away.
There are no concessions to political correctness,if I offend you or your group don't waste your time trying to sue me ,I have no worthwhile assets and currently need about £70,000 to qualify as broke.


Management Speak

Downsizing sack a load of people to drive up the share price

Optimising same idea as downsizing


Consultant a talentless bastard,totally full of shit, brought in by management to tell them what they already know and bill them for it

Manager Usually brainless,talentless and promoted to a spot with a nice office where they can no harm to the business.
Talks a foriegn language an amalgam of english and bullshit,involving words like empowerment, low hanging fruit, paradigm shift,anything else that sounds good but is meaningless is used often in conversation.



Junior Manager Very low form of life usually has just learned to balance on their hind legs and walk upright


Mission Statement A wordy document impossible to uunderstand embodying the companies business values,also mainly meaningless couched in inane terms .
Best to forget you ever read this crap.

Receptionist Supposed to be the gatekeeper ,and stop sales reps and other unwashed members of staff interupting management in the middle of writing reports to the board,or memo's telling staff to do what they are doing anyway.
Many are incredibly fat being fixated on food,soap operas and any other mundane activity.
The evolved member of the species is called a P.A. (BOSSES BUTTMONKEY)

Shop Floor Worker the poor sap who gets things done

Company Rep Sales Exec etc A fancy title for salesman,tries to con others into buying useless products or services,usually totaly uselless at time management,has a disorder where when this creature asks for 5 minutes of your time ,are still there at breakfast next day.